If you need me, you know where to find me- in my comfort zone.

Photo from Google.com

It is surprising to me how a little discussion can transform into one huge argument then conclude to a realization- one moment its about us, one moment it becomes an argument about me. You know you. You are somewhat aware of all your positive/good and negative/bad (although you're in denial about them) side. Certainly, talking about this particular negative side is nothing new to me. I know this, I am aware of it, I am not in denial about it- maybe its just I lived with it. Maybe I've just given up, and accepted that its was a part of who I am. Maybe because in my own little world I felt people would accept everything about me, but the bad thing is "Something need to change, especially if its for the better."

This particular argument is definitely a first for me. No one in my entire life pointed out this particular defect in me, you must understand that. It was easy to accept pointing this particular defect, when I'm talking to myself and taking pointers regarding attitudes or habits that I need to change but hearing it from others especially him, it was just tough. Truly, that was one of my definitions of "The truth hurts". This is one for the books, this tops the list on my feeling of insecurity- never felt so bad for myself. Pointing out how its alright to be one of the boys and being grateful for it, but the words after is what really hit me- and baby, it hit me hard- spot on. Sharing insight about it good it would be for me to dress a bit more girly and being a bit more fit and placing a bit more effort to make myself more beautiful and chic looking, to show off the world that you have a chic for a girlfriend and commenting that 90% of the time I just wear a simple shirt and jeans when we go out for a date. Well, most of the people who are close to me know me as a jeans and shirt girl. I believe that a girl or women could and can accentuate her sexiness even if she had just a simple shirt and jeans on her.

Blah blah blah.. after the long phone call arguing about how sitting pretty I was on my comfort zone, thinking so maturely (not in a good way), how opposite we are, me not wanting to explore the adventures that life offers and more defects about myself, a number of realizations came to mind and a lot of lessons learned. Maybe its time to change, and have a total make over.

Lets see, maybe this time around change is good especially its that time again- about to be a year older this month.

Let the adventure of change begin!

I miss.

Holding my hand while you drive. Wrapping your arm on my waist. Hugging me from behind. Just those rare sweet moments of ours. Those times I miss...

Tippy toes and high kicks

Realization # 2: I wish I took ballet and karate classes when I was a kid; when my mom offered too. No harm into adding these two as my talents.

Its not regret, its a realization-- nah... its regret.

Realization # 1: Now that I am in the fast paced world filled with career driven people there is one thing I just realized. If only I did better during high school through college; if only I exerted more effort. If only I wasn't that happy go lucky student who was satisfied with mediocrity and getting passing mark; if only I took a specialty in which I was passionate at and took more extra-curricular activities, then it wouldn't be hard surviving in this fast paced world.

I know one must not have regrets in life, but this is one thing I see when I look back in taking this ongoing adventure called life. One day if someone asks me or if my children ask me what was one thing in your past that you wish you could fix, this would be at the top of my list. I'm not asking to be an over-achiever student, I just want much better grades, a few recognitions here and there and not be content with just a passing grade-- that would do. I just wish I did and gave my best while I was still studying.

A for adventure, and A for Aha moment.

For the past few months after I graduated, I've searched for company's to apply for as a writer. A handful called me up for an interview, then the written exam and then... it stops there. All this trying has made me frustrated with myself, and came into terms with myself that maybe I'm not made to be a writer at all. Then suddenly
I have acquired a job, as an online writer for a particular site. It basically leaves me here at home doing a articles. Unfortunately, this past few weeks I'm beginning to feel lazy because of its:

One- low pay one gets and

Two- the long time it takes before you get that pay

Which leads me now to my latest adventure of finding a much better paying job. Recently, I've applied in a number of company's as a content writer and some positions that are not related to being a Mass Communication graduate. I'm even considering working as a call center agent just to get a bigger pay. Working for a call center is my last resort in my job hunting adventure. Before even considering this job, I have to know and hear the opinion of my better half. Well, basically he has a lot of opinions regarding this job since he has worked for a call center. Other reason is I really value his opinion, when he gives me insights regarding life or some basic decisions which I have difficulty deciding on.

For the mean time... I've been doing all the cleaning, cooking, groceries and laundry chores here at home and some menial tasks for my mother ever since our long time house help for she has found other ventures for her to save for her son's future. In the process of doing these tasks, I've realized that its not an easy job to do on the contrary it's very tiring and it takes a lot of your time. In doing these task, I have learned how to budget money and time and how to prioritize. In the process of doing these things I've realized somethings, questions came to mind like:

"What if time and money permits me and my beloved to live with one another under one roof before marriage (and absolutely we couldn't afford house help), then I would have to do all of those chores tied in with my work?"

And when we enter into marriage and the possibility of having kids and not having house help, "Then I would have to do all of those chores, tied in with: my work, kids, making my future hubby happy and maintain my beauty and figure for my sake and for my hubby's sake?"

Oh my gosh, my realizations are bizarre. But with all those questions and my previous conversations with my beloved regarding this topic I have realized one thing: Sacrifice is an essential in life.